Bristlecone
bristlecone pines,
they straddle two dimensions
- mountain wind
... gendai
opening the stone,
a sapling sprung forth
... shasei
a red wheelbarrow
leans against the fence,
its tyre deflating
... cultural: literature
how many tassels has
a cardinal's galero?
... cultural: religion
la bella luna
shares a doorway
with the mourning dove
... cultural: music
planting daisies
how pale my hands!
... shasei
disturbed
beneath the wrack and mire,
turtles all the way down
... gendai
only Poseidon’s trident
was found washed ashore
... cultural: art
so auspicious!
her three-faced Buddha
recovered from the storm
... shasei
in the eyes of a stranger
an old lover's gaze
... shasei
at first I laugh
and then I cry
watching the city lights
... cultural: film
from the executive suite -
tents in Zucotti
... cultural: politics
pigeons in pinstripes
scatting across
the canvas squares
... gendai
does it shine, also
on the Sea of Tranquility?
... cultural: music
a Psychic sign
in the palm reader's window
only half-lit
... cultural: religion
the station agent
fresh out of tickets to sell
... cultural: film
high up above
an Escher-like grid
of powerlines
... cultural: art
a radio voice
talks about the blue jay sky
... cultural: politics
crackle, crackle . . .
a rumpless hen's eggs sizzle
away the day
... shasei
the scent of cilantro
from my old umbrella
... gendai
inside the volume
of Van Gogh's letters,
one pressed flower
... cultural: literature
we vow to meet again
to view the meteor display
... shasei
willie, willie, sandra, vida, pat, sandra, willie, vida, p.a., pat, vida, pat, barbara, sandra, pat, willie, ashley, pat, barbara, vida, sandra, vida
Categories of Topics
(4x) - gendai
(6x) - shasei
(2x) - literature
(2x) - art
(2x) - religion
(2x) - music
(2x) - politics
(2x) - film
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237 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 237 of 237A pause for the cause -
Merry Chistmas, everyone!!
Merry Christmas!
g'day all
Hope you have had/having pleasant festive period.
Peace and Love
offers:
wealth and revenge
for the Count
of Monte Cristo
literature
waltzing matilda
under the shade
of a coolibah tree
shasei
# 204 / Kyu / 21, 22?
crackle, crackle . . .
Araucana eggs sizzle
away the day
... shasei
the scent of cilantro
in my old umbrella
... gendai
****
an orphan
and that dodgey boy
deivered to redemption
literature
An idea I'm batting around after our Christmas dinner. Of course, the allusion is to Dickens' Oliver Twist. A convoluted tale in it's own right, simplicity of line is still key to this final side, as well as avoidance of direct seasonal reference.
I'd thought of a mention of a "well-laid table", though that would recall back to uchikoshi and frying blue eggs! Thus, a message of redemption came to mind - young Dave, an orphan in his own right who I first met years ago as an untended waif on St. Paul's lower east side streets. Nick, a young man with a precarious past, separated from his baby-mama and child on the holiday, with no other place to go. I sat back, warmed by proferred wine, and enjoyed watching the relaxed camaraderie of these lads and my wife's extended family grow as the meal passed on into revelry and reminiscences, listening to Vince Guaraldi and the Staples Singers Xmas themes on the stereo. It was a good day.
I'm trying for a pleasing rhythm with this verse, though I've missed our mention of blossom/flower, and remain with an uncertain feeling because of it. Might "redemption" be achieved in the following as our ageku?
twirling light inside
(a) maple seed touches down
... shasei
Your comments or additional offers, please. We're not rushed to find the most pleasing conclusion.
crackle, crackle
Araucana eggs sizzle
away the day
the scent of cilantro
in my old umbrella
inside the volume
of Van Gogh's letters,
a pressed flower
- literature
cutting fern fronds
to decorate the marriage hall
we get to talking
- shasei
a postcard
of Checkpoint Charlie ...
one black dog
- shasei
Hope you all had a good Christmas.
a cloak of satin
for the Count
of Monte Cristo
literature
waltzing matilda
under the shade
of a coolibah tree
shasei
Ooh! A fine line between nouveau and traditional, aye? Meaning, we've eschewed seasons in favor of this contemporary form and topic structure, yet retaining the major themes in movement of folios and the elusive "renku wave".
crackle, crackle
Araucana eggs sizzle
away the day
the scent of cilantro
(from) my old umbrella
inside the volume
of Van Gogh's letters,
(one) pressed flower
... literature
Changing the 'in' of "cilantro" to vary slightly in word from 'inside', 'one' inserted for slight dramatic effect . . . Do we have our penultimate verse? I feel it, so close . . . it moves so well.
Would you all be so kind to discuss the merits of this choice? Let's wait so all might check in with their opinion.
Golly, you can tell I've been lazing in the shade of a tree, good book in one hand and piece of Christmas cake in the other ... sorry about doubling up on the word "in", didn't even see it.
If Vida is okay with it, I'm okay with it.
Hello, Everyone.
& Thank you, Ash!
inside the volume
of Van Gogh's letters,
a pressed flower
- literature
I really like the choice of Sandra's verse.
“Poetry surrounds us everywhere, but putting it on paper is, alas, not so easy as looking at it.”
Vincent
Me, I am thinking about stars now ...
;-)
Vincent:
"Hold my hand, Doctor. Try to see what I see. We're so lucky we're still alive to see this beautiful world. Look at the sky. It's not dark and black and without character. The black is in fact deep blue. And over there! Lighter blue. [the starscape slowly transforms into The Starry Night] And blowing through the blueness and the blackness, the winds swirling through the air. And there shining, burning, bursting through, the stars! Can you see how they roll their light? Everywhere we look, complex magic of nature blazes before our eyes."
Doctor:
"I’ve seen many things, my friend, but you’re right: nothing quite as wonderful as the things you see."
hummmmm........
crackle, crackle
Araucana eggs sizzle
away the day
the scent of cilantro
(from) my old umbrella
inside the volume
of Van Gogh's letters,
(one) pressed flower
Looks good :)
Beautiful. Love the simplicity of one pressed flower = " infused with the sentiment of quiet lonliness (sabishisa)". And thanks for the quotes from - is that from the Kirk Douglas movie, Pat? I've seen snippets on TV, never the whole thing. I'll be renting it now. Kirk was too cool for the Rat Pack, even.
Speaking of names, I've removed capitalization of book and movie titles, retained proper names; the use may be essential for Poseidon, e.g., but otherwise it's a distraction to be avoided. Thus my one hesitation with the poem of Van Gogh, yet we have scads of avoidance between the most previous "name" reference.
Well then, nothing for it (mmpf) to chew some Xmas cookies (gobble) and consider our (chew, chew) ageku.
Ah, coriander! Yes indeed. A healthy herb, however!
. . . do you like my picture?
yes, a very beautiful flower - otherworldly ...
the distant, ethereal, dreamy, spiritual, mystic, mystical; unearthly, unworldly, supernatural.
. . . slightly out of focus
starry night
the whale songs reaching shore
sorry, forgot, can't use 'shore' again.
starry night
the whales sing to each other
Why not? Or, as Basho was alledged to have said, "So what?"
And, they say, spreading the blame, as I certainly am no scholar, (another $60k in gov't school loans might make me an "official") ageku is released from certain limitations of recall, which reminds me of your prosaic offer -
no one knows exactly
why the humpback whales sing
or
no one knows exactly
why the humpbacks sing
or
starry night
the whale songs reaching shore
or? Anybody?
Here is my offer,
we vow to meet again
at the next meteor shower
or,
a talk about watching together
the Quadrantid meteors
But I also really like this,
no one knows exactly
why the humpbacks sing
:))
Willie, what is the name of the flower at the picture?
A type of Burdock, I think (can't remember). It was used to make clothing, brought by French immigrants: the process went out of style with the invention of the cotton gin in the mid-19th century. It grows in all sorts of adverse conditions - now termed an invasive weed. It is one hardy plant; can't pull it up with your bare hands due to all the thorny projections on the stems which are nearly as sturdy as a deciduous tree sapling. it lends an odd sort of beauty to the barren, degraded areas around here.
An underdog sort of plant I admire for that reason - a similar status to the empty buildings that dot the degrading city landscape.
Here's a note or two on my musings and searches:
considering beats per line on one of Pat's offerings, another suggestion to better retain her ideas, losing "the"
no one knows exactly
why humpback whales sing
segue to
starry night
the whale's song reaches shore
(softer ch sounds in 'reaches', more alliterative?)and on to
we vow to meet again
for the next Draconids shower
"for' - a round vowel sound, and 'Draconids' sans the 'meteor' since that is implied in shower, plus reference to the impending Year of the Dragon, maybe?
Haven't heard from Barb or Ash on this position . . .
links to a range of meteor showers, north and south -
http://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/earthskys-meteor-shower-guide
Willie,
I like what you did with the meteor verse, but just notice something obvious- flower and shower rhyme. I know it was my idea and I have no idea why I didn't see it earlier. What are the rules?
We watched The Big Blue (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Big_Blue) yesterday, so the more I read the whales' verse (both versions) the more I like it :))
Let's wait a bit for the rest of the team?
amazing plant! :)
g'day all
my offer:
an urgent text message
from the dragon!
or segue to
starry night
the whale's song reaches shore
like this but we already have ashore and sea earlier,
and
we vow to meet again
for the next Draconids shower
I like this one best and enjoy the end rhyme with flower
Peace and Love
Just got one in me at the moment!
listening to the traffic
stutter
coffee in hand
(might have too much of a cut)
in the land of Honah Lee
anything is possible
;-)
music
the scent of cilantro
from my old umbrella
... gendai
inside the volume
of Van Gogh's letters,
one pressed flower
... literature
we vow to meet again
for the next Draconids display
... shasei
a little alliteration is good for the soul, no?
Another suggested change; attribute the Ashley/Barbara verse to Barb, Ashley to Ashley . . .
dust to dust? I hope not. I imagine this poem will live on for quite some time, due to its "historic" nature, in regards to renku, that is.
I'm a bit fagged out due to a variety of factors, so not much more to comment on at the moment. I'll post these to the main page, so, have a look and see what you think. Looking forward to your comments. Oh, one other thing; I propose the title of Bristlecone, for the reason of the multi-faceted nature of this composition. Let's run it up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes. I'll check back later for comments, maybe a summation of sorts. Perhaps we'll talk about submission to some journal somewhere?
Until then,
willie
dear willie,
i have enjoyed the ride with your merry band. thanks for all of your efforts in making this renku happen!
blessings to all of my fellow travelers,
pat
Ya'll come back now, hear?
I have your E-mail and will contact you as to the disposition of this poem and further adventures. I'm glad you were able to stomach my wacked-out style!
Love,
willie
I really enjoyed being part of this creation. A big Thank you to all of you, guys!
:))
g'day
Thanks Willie for leading this enjoyable renku. I enjoyed the speed at which we all worked. It reads well, but, I notice that we have three verses commencing with how. Funny, it didn't strike me before. Am not sure if you wish to change that.
Peace and Love
Good eye, Barb! One change to V 9,
same message and tone, sweetens things up nice.
Gosh, ya'll sound like this is a long farewell- we'll be talking before the Draconids, won't we?
Sure we will!
I'll be back for the moon viewing party :)
Happy New Year!
Sound great, Willie, attribute away!
I like how the renku has its share of wild shifts (amongst more logical ones) and the unexpected shifts are very pleasing, great to see the idea of a 'New' Renku working outside of Junicho too.
I'll be back for the moon-viewing party too - thanks for the invite, and great to work with everyone on this. PRetty exciting huh?
Hello Willie,
Have been off air for a few days, what with the holidays an' all.
Your "impetuous" renku has turned out very well, thanks to your vision and leadership and great verses from the contributors.
"Bristlecone" is a product of which to be proud.
Best wishes,
Sandra
Thank you, dearest Sandra, and thank you all, my dearest renju friends. It's not facetious to repeat this was the most pleasurable time I've had composing renku - the finest present for Christmas one could receive, and a hopeful inspiration fo the new year.
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