Monday, October 26, 2015

sleeves



the littlest ones
tug at Grandpa's sleeves -
clear Autumn


3 comments:

Bill said...

That is a provocative jux.

bandit said...

A bit direct, yes. Had it in mind since the 18th - Prospect Park in Hudson, Wisconsin, on a bluff above the St. Croix River. This is still open to editing, but I felt compelled to post the idea.

I thought to engage the kids when all the other grown-ups, myself included, were lounging after a picnic meal. The usual dismissive excuses (I'm tired, go play on the swing, etc) were put aside. Something to do with my new Grandfather status. I realized it was my duty. And we had a *lot* of fun!

little children
tug at Grandpa's sleeves --
this Autumn light

Now, I like the meter of the above, though I find the use of "this" sometimes to be disingenuous. We have 13 syllables in proportion (4-5-4)though, which I crave for some reason.

I really wanted to convey the fall colors (the St. Croix is impressively notorious for that) but any overt description of leaf-viewing felt to be too much - a distraction from my intent of meaning. I'm not sure what it is I felt actually, and I'm not going to try and give it away!

Falling back on Edo region kiyose:

the littlest ones
tug at Grandpa's sleeves -
clear Autumn

I think maybe this version is superior, if only for the diversity of interpretations available.

I really wanted to convey the passing of time, and the jux of experience and perception between young and old. Though one may not know it, a hint of melancholy, too.

As for Addie (Adele), my first Grand Child, she's about to form the word "no"! I still hope she accepts my invitation to be my protege. I don't speak baby-talk to her, preferring to hold normal conversations, sharing observations, always questioning, in proper English. She'll be one year old in November. And I was secretly hoping for a girl - my wish come true.

First notice: Another child arrives in late May! It's a secret, sort of, since hardly anyone reads this blog, let alone my comments. And I hope that's a girl, too. I think they might make a more formidable team if that turns out to be true.

bandit said...

Oh, and thanks for the comment, btw. You've spurred me on to address my conundrum. Your opinions are always welcome, Bill.