Monday, October 26, 2015

sleeves



the littlest ones
tug at Grandpa's sleeves -
clear Autumn


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3 comments:

Bill said...

That is a provocative jux.

October 27, 2015 at 11:56 AM
bandit said...

A bit direct, yes. Had it in mind since the 18th - Prospect Park in Hudson, Wisconsin, on a bluff above the St. Croix River. This is still open to editing, but I felt compelled to post the idea.

I thought to engage the kids when all the other grown-ups, myself included, were lounging after a picnic meal. The usual dismissive excuses (I'm tired, go play on the swing, etc) were put aside. Something to do with my new Grandfather status. I realized it was my duty. And we had a *lot* of fun!

little children
tug at Grandpa's sleeves --
this Autumn light

Now, I like the meter of the above, though I find the use of "this" sometimes to be disingenuous. We have 13 syllables in proportion (4-5-4)though, which I crave for some reason.

I really wanted to convey the fall colors (the St. Croix is impressively notorious for that) but any overt description of leaf-viewing felt to be too much - a distraction from my intent of meaning. I'm not sure what it is I felt actually, and I'm not going to try and give it away!

Falling back on Edo region kiyose:

the littlest ones
tug at Grandpa's sleeves -
clear Autumn

I think maybe this version is superior, if only for the diversity of interpretations available.

I really wanted to convey the passing of time, and the jux of experience and perception between young and old. Though one may not know it, a hint of melancholy, too.

As for Addie (Adele), my first Grand Child, she's about to form the word "no"! I still hope she accepts my invitation to be my protege. I don't speak baby-talk to her, preferring to hold normal conversations, sharing observations, always questioning, in proper English. She'll be one year old in November. And I was secretly hoping for a girl - my wish come true.

First notice: Another child arrives in late May! It's a secret, sort of, since hardly anyone reads this blog, let alone my comments. And I hope that's a girl, too. I think they might make a more formidable team if that turns out to be true.

October 28, 2015 at 12:36 AM
bandit said...

Oh, and thanks for the comment, btw. You've spurred me on to address my conundrum. Your opinions are always welcome, Bill.

October 28, 2015 at 12:44 AM

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